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Letting Go of the Struggle: Why We’re Not Responsible for Every Thought (and How That’s Okay)

In our last post, we discussed the concept of “Hitting the Brakes” on unwanted thoughts. We explored the idea of interrupting negative thought patterns before they spiral out of control. Today, we’ll delve deeper into the second suggestion – Letting Go of the Struggle.

Humans have a natural inclination to feel responsible for everything in our inner world, especially our thoughts. We believe we should be able to control them at will and that they are “who we are”. However, the truth is far more fascinating and freeing – we don’t fully understand how or why we experience what we do.

Our perception of reality is filtered through a complex web of internal and external conditioning. We’re shaped by both out past and present societal norms, the media’s constant barrage of messages on how we we should act or pay attention (including our collective fears), and our unique family histories. All these factors, along with our senses, contribute to a constantly changing internal landscape. We simply cannot take everything in at once. We filter, we pick and choose based on past experiences.

This limited perception is why we often misunderstand reality. Not realizing how external and internal conditioning impacts us can lead to a rollercoaster of emotions, thoughts, and moods. A simple example: being tired can make us cranky. That crankiness is a combination of physical sensations, emotional states, and negative thought patterns – all triggered by our state of fatigue.

Mindfulness offers a way to illuminate this internal world. By becoming an observer of our own experience, we can detach ourselves from the struggle. We observe our body sensations, moods, and thoughts without judgment. We see the unwanted thoughts as passing clouds, the struggle as just another temporary condition.

Here’s the key takeaway: we don’t need to take ownership of these passing experiences. Identifying with them as “who we are” only strengthens their hold. Instead, we want to observe them with a sense of detachment.

Struggling with these thoughts isn’t a personal failing. It’s a very human response. However, viewing our difficulties as needing to be “fixed” puts an unnecessary burden on ourselves. We’re not gods; we’re human beings experiencing the world through a conditioned lens.

By letting go of the struggle, we can begin to experience peace and contentment. We become more attuned to our inner workings, allowing us to place our attention wisely and navigate the world with greater ease. This, ultimately, paves the way for a more peaceful existence for ourselves and those around us.

Stay tuned for our next blog post, where we’ll explore practical techniques for hitting the brakes on unwanted thoughts and finding inner peace.

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Hitting the Brakes: From Passenger to Pilot (of Your Mind)

In our last post, we explored the concept of hitting the brakes on the runaway train of our thoughts. But what exactly does it mean to “hit the brakes” in the context of mindfulness?

Imagine you’re driving down a scenic road, enjoying the view. Suddenly, a dark, unsettling thought pops up – a storm cloud crossing your sunny mental landscape. Our natural tendency is to identify with that thought, to become its passenger, getting tossed around by its emotional turbulence.

Mindfulness offers a different approach: hitting the brakes on that identification. Instead of getting swept away, we use the power of observation. We acknowledge the thought has arisen, but instead of believing everything it whispers, we recognize it as just that – a thought. This simple act shifts our perspective from being the content of our experience (the passenger) to being the watcher of our experience (the pilot).

This shift is crucial. It allows us to detach from the thought’s power and choose how we react. We can stop feeding its energy by dwelling on it. Instead, we can engage skillful ways of responding – starting with the simple act of observing.

But observing isn’t passive. It’s a mindful engagement with the present moment. It’s noticing the thought, its tone, and any emotions it stirs. Think of it as gathering intel about the thought-storm before deciding how to navigate it.

There’s also an element of playfulness in this approach. We’re not blindly accepting everything our mind throws at us. We’re acknowledging it’s there, but we’re not obligated to believe it. It’s a subtle yet powerful shift, one that allows us to take ownership of our own experience, and also to provide a sense of ease in our lives.

This is just the initial first step on our journey of hitting the brakes on unwanted thoughts. In future posts, we’ll delve deeper into the other steps, exploring practices and techniques to navigate these mental storms with greater skill and ease. Remember, mindfulness isn’t about denying or suppressing thoughts – it’s about acknowledging them and choosing how we respond.

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Hitting the Brakes on Unwanted Thoughts: A Mindful Approach

Unwanted thoughts can be like runaway trains, barreling through our minds and leaving us feeling overwhelmed. We wrestle with them, try to push them away, and sometimes end up feeling even worse. But what if there was a gentler, more mindful approach to dealing with these pesky passengers?

Here’s where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgment. It’s like stepping back and observing your thoughts from a distance, rather than getting caught up in their whirlwind.

So, how can mindfulness help with unwanted thoughts?

  1. Hitting the Brakes: When an unwanted thought pops up, acknowledge it – “Oh, there’s that thought again.” This simple act can slow it down and give you a chance to choose your response.
  2. Letting Go of the Struggle: We often try to fight intrusive thoughts, which can actually make them stronger. Instead, practice acceptance. Let the thought be there, without judgment or attachment. Imagine it as a cloud floating by in the sky.
  3. Shifting Your Focus: Here’s where Buddhist teachings offer powerful tools:
    • Reflect on a Different Sign: Instead of dwelling on the negative thought, shift your focus to a positive one. Think about a loved one, a peaceful scene in nature, or an activity you enjoy.
    • Ponder the Disadvantage: Consider the harm these thoughts cause you. Ask yourself “How do these thoughts make me feel? Are they helpful?” Shift your focus to ways to avoid self-harm and negativity.
    • Dwelling on Stillness: This doesn’t mean ignoring the thought, but rather observing it without getting wrapped up in its story. Instead, cultivate positive aspirations or feelings of compassion and loving-kindness.
  4. Thoughts Come and Go: Remember, thoughts are just that – thoughts. They arise and pass away on their own, like leaves on a breeze. We don’t need to feed them or make them grander than they are.
  5. Suppression as a Last Resort: The old idea of “beating down evil thoughts with good thoughts” often backfires. Trying to force positive thoughts can feel exhausting. Instead, reserve this tactic for situations where other methods fail.

By practicing mindfulness and utilizing these strategies, you can learn to manage unwanted thoughts without getting derailed by them. Remember, you are not your thoughts. You have the power to choose how you respond to them.

Consistent meditation practice is a powerful tool for cultivating self-awareness. The more you train your mind to be present, the more readily you’ll recognize unwanted thoughts and have the space to choose a skillful response. Meditation can also help you explore the various techniques mentioned above, allowing you to discover which ones work best for you.

However, if unwanted thoughts become persistent and overwhelming, or significantly impact your daily life, it’s important to seek professional help. A therapist can provide additional tools and support to help you manage these thoughts and improve your overall well-being. Don’t hesitate to reach out – you deserve to feel peace and clarity in your mind.

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Accepting Things As They Are

After giving it a go for a few weeks, I have decided to stop offering the drop-in Thursday evening meetings on the Remember Presence website. Although I meditation and Buddhist practice has greatly enhanced my life, it has a lot of competition and people have other priorities. This is understandable.

We have had some discussion about offering in-person informal gatherings in the near future and that seems to be a good way to keep the door open for folks. Drop me a line if that interests you.

Turning inward to my own practice and that is good enough in itself.

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First Gathering

Greetings Spiritual Seekers,

The start of the new year has been a true renewal of sorts for me. As I mentioned in my first blog on this site, a case of mild depression descended on me during the last quarter of 2023, which was the last time I felt like offering a teaching. Grateful for change as the depression I felt has lifted. This week I venture out into the world again with sharing offerings on contentment and peace.

Although we each live in our own thought worlds it doesn’t really mean a hell of beans if we are isolated from each other because that is where it stays, in our heads. Even though the way we think of the world is how the world is for us, that is not true – except only for us. You cannot find your thoughts in the world but only inside us. Yet that is where most of us stay, only venturing out in thought.

And at the same time, most of us usually look outside ourselves for fulfilment and for meaning. This is where they get you. The world is clamoring for our attention. And believe or not, it is not looking our for our best interests most of the time. It is looking to feed itself first. It wants to get you hooked. It is great at showing us a taste of what an “ideal” life looks like. It feeds on our desires to be successful –to be somebody.

A life lived is not full if not shared in communion with community. In community is also where we will see what is required in our spiritual practice, if we have one. We need to be tested. If we are spiritually fit that will translate into peace in our interactions.

Spiritual practice is not about feeding but on giving. And that is where my heart lies – in giving back. This is what is fulfilling. Sharing what we have been given gives me purpose, hence this offering. It helps me with my own healing, with my own strength and with dealing with difficulty.

Isn’t this something we all need? This is where Head and Heart Together comes in – to illuminate and explore the inner world with each other so that we are reminded and practice in community.

If you are interested I urge you to join us as Head and Heart Together will hold its first gathering this Thursday, January 25th on. We can do this together. We can support each other. We can cultivate peace from within and without. We can create a sacred space together. Join me.

https://rememberpresence.com/event/?eventId=1459&startDate=2024-01-26T05:30:00.000Z

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Harmony & Hell

 To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy … is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them.

Ralph Waldo Trine

There was a time in my life when depression first reared its head in my life. Quotes, such as this one from Ralph Waldo Trine, helped me so much. Affirmations and encouraging words can help us to rise the light of contentment and peace in our hearts and minds. Kind words and friendliness, and caring for one another can also do this.

What kind of world do we want to live in? What world do we want for our children and grandchildren. Do we have them to have to experience war, intolerance, and hatred? A world with no joy? With birds singing and dolphins playing? 

I know, most likely, this is all a dream. And I know to hold it lightly. But this is something in my head and heart I cannot deny. For we need to hold all sides, the thoughts of peace and prosperity, love, and joy…and of violence and hatred, greed and despair…and, the one not thought of so much of, boredom and disinterest. Why? Because they exist.

To be free we must hold it all, to know it as it is, but at the same time, know there is another way. Things are always changing. This is the immutable law.

We are in heaven, but we also live in a hell of our own making. Oh say it isn’t so. That would be ignorance and I want to be awake.

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Weekly Drop-In Meeting to Start January 25th

I am really excited to be able to offer Head and Heart Together as a weekly drop-in group via the remember Presence community beginning on January 25th at 6:30 PM Pacific Time.

Remember Presence is a worldwise cooperative of certified mindfulness teachers who offer on-line drop-in groups, courses, workshops and retreats. There are offerings for those who are new to meditation as well as those for creating sangha, like Head and Heart Together.

It is very clear that we live in a divided and traumatized culture and society. Even though we are connected in terms of technology, we are more and more isolated and distant from each other physically and emotionally.  

With Head and Heart Together, I hope to shine a light on our shared experience, and how we can each learn to bridge the divide between how we think about the world and how we actually navigate through it with a sense of grace, dignity and wellbeing.

I hope that you will join me in this quest. Click here for more information. https://rememberpresence.com/event/?eventId=1459&startDate=2024-01-26T05:30:00.000Z

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Why Head and Heart Together?

For years now I have been looking for ways to share with others the benefits I have gained from my spiritual practice. I hesitate to limit it to just that because the way I feel about spiritual practice is that is about how to live.

We live in these bodies yet mostly live in our heads. The way we think about the world is how the world is. If we change the way we think about the world – we change the world. It is more about our relationship to how we are living our lives.

There is no set formula for living. But if we can live with more compassion and understanding them we can make the life a better place for all. This is the practice. It is not about just going with the flow, or conventional wisdom, or keeping up with the Jones’.

Life is about taking in the bad with the good. Not wanting to annihilate or avoid the things we hate and only having the things we like and love.

That is why we will want to bring the head and heart together. So that we can live life fully and make our lives and the lives of others just a bit easier to be with.